I didn't grow up
celebrating Christmas. It was "their" holiday. It wasn't
until I met my late husband that I experienced the
"magic" of Christmas; the amazing smell of a living
tree, the fun of decorating, the comfort of lights on dark winter
evenings, the eggnog, the gingerbread and of course, the
chocolate. I was hooked!
On December 6, 2001
my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He had his first
chemotherapy treatment a few days later and spent his last
Christmas in a hospital bed. As was his habit, he had already
bought the tree, and most of the presents. He made me promise to
have Christmas as usual for our five year old daughter. I will
never forget being in our basement on Christmas Eve, after having
put out the milk and cookies for Santa, crying and wrapping,
lamenting, "I can't do this! What do I know about this? I'm
Jewish".
Although my husband
has been dead for almost five years, we still celebrate Christmas,
along with all of the Jewish holidays. I make dinner on Christmas
Eve, and have the same family friends over every year. This year
when I called my friend to ask what her daughter wanted for
Christmas, she said, "you will never believe what she put on
her Christmas list this year - a dreidel and gold coins".
The Jewish holiday
of Hanukkah occurs each year some time in December. Playing
dreidel is a traditional Hanukah game. A dreidel is a spinning top
and depending on where it lands you either get a pile of gold
chocolate coins (or money) or you have to put some of your own
stash into the pot. My friend's daughter had so much fun playing
dreidel at our house the year before she asked for one so she
could play at home.
I decided that this
Christmas, not only would the kids play dreidel, but we would
incorporate some Hanukah foods into our traditional turkey dinner.
Instead of mashed potatoes, I served latkes. Latkes are potato
pancakes, aka round hash browns. And for dessert, along with the
Christmas goodies, we served suganyot - an Israeli jelly doughnut,
another Hanukah treat.
My father-in-law,
who is German, commented that the latkes seemed like
kartoffelpuffer and the doughnuts like Berliner
phantkuchen, both
of which he had eaten as a boy in Germany. Another friend
contributed a French baguette. I ate the entire meal with
chopsticks, which has been my habit since I first tried them at
the age of seven.
I have to say that
one of the things I like most about celebrating Christmas is that
it allows me to feel included. It is no longer "their'
holiday. Now it is my holiday too. I can participate in the fun
and the excitement of the season. I can talk to strangers on the
street about getting the tree up, the shopping, and the wrapping.
It has created a larger community for me.
A number of years
ago I was delivering Respectful Workplace training to a group of
municipal employees. I was talking about how human rights is about
the recognition of differences and the balancing of rights. One
participant commented that, in her opinion, the balance was
getting skewed in the "wrong" direction. Now, this is a
comment I hear quite often. I asked her if she could share an
example of what she meant. She said that she was really upset
because the municipality had decided that employees could no
longer say Merry Christmas, as that might offend some of their
clients. Of course, she wanted to know "if they could do
that". In the discussion that followed, it became obvious
that this was an issue that had touched a nerve for a lot of
people, regardless of ethnicity.
This is an example
of what can go wrong in the well intentioned interest of
recognizing difference and wanting to be respectful of that
difference. It is true that not everyone in our multi-cultural
country celebrates Christmas - and it is important to acknowledge
that. However, in the workplace, this acknowledgment must be part
of a broader, clearly communicated strategy to promote a
respectful, inclusive culture. In a Canadian workplace, this
culture clearly includes a celebration of Christmas. If that is
not recognized, an employer risks promoting divisiveness and
alienation rather than inclusion and acceptance.
In this situation,
I heard anger expressed. Anger at their employer, and,
unfortunately, anger at the "clients" that were the
reason for the employer's decision. The employer's intentions had
backfired.
Why were these
employees angry? Anger is a secondary emotion, often masking
anxiety, frustration or fear. And fear is front and center when we
talk about issues like discrimination and harassment. "I had
not been raised by Mother to be prejudiced," writes American
Suzie Humphreys, "So how did I become one of the Americans
gasping about racial blending? Fear, of course. Isn't that what's
at the root of all hatred? Fear that someone else will take what's
mine, or get my place in line, or take away my values and force
theirs upon me or you." 1
Certainly the goal
of the employer that imposed the "Happy Holidays"
instead of "Merry Christmas" rule was to show awareness
and respect to those Canadians who don't celebrate Christmas. This
intention should be recognized and applauded. However, in adopting
a policy which said staff could no longer wish their clients
"Merry Christmas", this employer inadvertently pushed
the fear button. This type of approach does not encourage an
accepting and welcoming attitude. Instead, it risks planting the
seeds of fear which may sprout as prejudice. It encourages an
"us versus them" attitude, where "they" are
seen as the group that is threatening to change our lives, our
culture and our traditions.
The Canadian constitution embodies the
values of tolerance, fairness, justice and mutual respect. Our
goal is to use these values to guide us in creating an inclusive
society that recognizes difference and seeks to accommodate those
differences. So what does accommodation of difference look like
when it comes to holiday celebrations?
In the December/January
"holiday season" some employees may celebrate Christmas.
Some employees may celebrate Hanukah. Some may celebrate Bodhi
Day, Eid-Ul-Adha, Oshogatsu, or the Birthday of Guru Gobind Singh.
In a multi-cultural environment, it is respectful and appropriate
to demonstrate awareness of all of these different holidays and to
acknowledge them. An employer can easily find out about these
holidays through a multi-faith calendar, which is available
on-line.
I was speaking with
a client recently who told me that she was involved in a workplace
committee whose task was to find a number of different holidays
that were reflective of the employee population. The committee
then organizes events to recognize these different holidays and
promote awareness about their associated rituals traditions, and
foods.
In November I
attended a Vancouver Board of Trade event featuring Beth Wilson,
Chief Human Resources Officer at KPMG, speaking about diversity.
Over lunch, one of the participants at our table was telling us
about how her organization had celebrated Halloween by bringing in
pumpkins for employees to carve. She said that for some of the
employees from different cultures, this was their first time
carving a pumpkin. And they loved it!
These types of
activities help to build trust and familiarity between employees.
They help to calm the fears of those that are worried about
"us" versus "them". If employers want to be
able to take advantage of the opportunities that diversity
provides, they must build a larger, more inclusive group of
"us" in our workplaces. They must build camaraderie
amongst a diverse employee group that will offer a broad spectrum
of creative ideas and skills to contribute to the business.
I do not believe
that the fact that I celebrate Christmas in any way diminishes my
identity as a Jew. Rather, it has promoted commonality with
others, while encouraging a renewed interest in my own ethnic
traditions and culture.
According to
Patricia Digh, co-founder of The Circle Project, an America
consulting group which focuses on diversity issues, "Teaching
students about frog anatomy by exposing them to the dissection of
frogs does not make students more frog-like. So getting employees
to read and think about perspectives other than their own does not
mean that they will reject their own culture. It just means that
they will be richer human beings knowing something about the
perspectives of others." 2
In a respectful
workplace culture, the goal is to promote respect for, and
recognition of, the unique differences that each individual
employee brings to the workplace. Adopting a proactive strategy to
acknowledge and learn about each other's traditions and
celebrations provides employers with a wonderful opportunity to
foster more harmonious, collaborative, and productive work
relationships. These types of relationships will translate into
bottom line results and give employers the competitive edge that
they need in today's diverse and competitive labour market.
Celebrations
upcoming in the month of March: March 3, Holi (Hindu), March 4,
Purim (Jewish) and Holla Muhallah (Sikh), March 19, Bikarami
Saunvat (New Year’s Day) (Hindu), March 21, Naw Ruz & Baha
(Baha’i), March
27, Rama Navmi (Hindu), March 31, Mawlid al- Nabiy (Islam)
Footnotes:
- Suzie Humphreys, If All Else
Fails, Laugh! (Fredericksburg: Tivydale Press, 2005)
(Suzie Humphreys is a speaker I had the privilege of hearing
recently. If you ever have an opportunity to be in Suzie’s
audience, run, don’t walk to get a seat. )
- Lin Grensing-Pophal,
"Opportunities in Diversity Training", Society
for Human Resource Management, SHRM Online, June, 2006
Erica
Pinsky Inc. works with organizations to manage the complex
issues of discrimination, harassment, bullying and conflict in the
workplace. Erica is a powerful presenter, passionate about
promoting respectful workplace cultures where employees feel
engaged, comfortable and focused on their jobs. Whether she is
doing public speaking, providing workshops and training,
investigations, mediations or in one-on-one intervention, Erica
will bring results.
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