A woman came up
to me at one of my recent Respectful Workplace Workshops to tell
me how much she was enjoying the presentation. Then she added,
"But you might want to watch the use of the phrase: low
man on the totem pole. I’m First Nations, and while I’m ok
with it, I know other people who would be really upset by your
saying that."
I was taken
aback, and, quite frankly, ashamed. I had been talking about power
and how it manifests in the workplace. Did I actually say,
"low man on the totem pole"? I was shocked that I had
unwittingly used a phrase that I would never consciously choose to
say. I actually found it hard to believe I had said it.
My topic is
respectful behaviour in the workplace. I am writing a book, Road
to Respect: The Path to Profit, stressing the importance of
"Choosing to Walk the Talk." It is not enough to say you
will be respectful and make politically correct statements. You
must walk the talk and model the behaviour so that respectful
behaviour becomes "the way it is" in your workplace.
Given that I am
writing a book on the subject, I was confident I was already
"walking the talk" of respect. I was sure I was living
the value. I think about modeling respectful behaviour in all my
work. And yet I had used a phrase during my presentation that
could alienate the very people I was trying to empower and
inspire.
I certainly don’t
want to alienate anyone who comes to hear me speak. However, I
realized that it can happen in an instant, sometimes without
awareness. Our language is full of potentially alienating phrases.
While I always write out the opening and closing of a speech, I
like to be somewhat spontaneous when speaking. I make that choice
out of respect for my audience; I adjust my presentation as I go,
in response to what is happening in the room. I try to be as
interactive and inclusive as possible. The structure of my speech
is carefully planned, but not totally scripted.
The risk with
this presentation style, I now realize, is the accidentally use of
words that might offend someone in our increasingly diverse
audiences. It could be an expression used without thinking, like
"low man on the totem pole," or referring to everyone as
"you guys." I have heard speakers refer to women as "gals,"
which triggers an immediate negative reaction for me. In one case,
that phrase, combined with other comments and innuendo, turned me
off that speaker’s entire message.
The growing
diversity of our audiences is presenting new challenges to us as
speakers. We cannot possibly anticipate everyone’s different
perspectives and experiences. However, our message has a greater
chance of being heard when our words are respectful to anyone who
may be listening.
Historical
prejudice is a fact of life. In spite of the fact that my topic
was about being respectful, I unintentionally used an offensive
phrase. It came from my subconscious and I didn’t even realize I
had said it. We all benefit when we start asking questions about
our own biases, and about assumptions we make about others,
particularly those that are different from us. Are we
unintentionally crafting speeches that reach those that are
"like us"?
Many of us are
familiar with the Golden Rule - treat others as you would like to
be treated. It implies self-respect and makes us think about how
we would like to be treated. It is a good place to start when
thinking about how to demonstrate respectful behaviour to our
audiences. However, in today’s truly multi-cultural and diverse
world, we have to go beyond the Golden Rule and think about
applying the Platinum Rule as well.
The Platinum
Rule - treat others as they would like to be treated - means
respect based upon the appreciation of who "others" are.
We must suspend preconceptions and assumptions to become curious
about our audiences. Who will I be speaking to? Will my
message resonate with this demographic or ethnic group? Will this
story work with this audience? Is my language really inclusive? Do
I unknowingly use expressions that may be alienating or
disrespectful? Am I using references that only some groups may
understand or relate to?
No matter what our topic, we
reach our audiences by making an emotional connection with them.
We connect on a human, gut level. At a recent CAPS Vancouver
meeting, Lou Heckler, CSP, CPAE said he thinks of everyone in his
audience as his best friend. This way he engages them from a place
of openness, trust and love. I felt that connection as I sat in
the audience that night. While Lou didn’t talk about being
respectful, he demonstrated it throughout his presentation, both
on and off the podium. He modeled both the Golden and the Platinum
Rules. He truly walks the talk of respect.
About The Author:
Erica’s upcoming
book Road to Respect: The Path to Profit (How to Become an
Employer of Choice by Building a Respectful Workplace Culture)
will be available in 2009.
Erica Pinsky
Inc. works with organizations to manage the complex issues of
discrimination, harassment, bullying and conflict in the
workplace. Erica is a powerful presenter, passionate about
promoting respectful workplace cultures where employees feel
engaged, comfortable and focused on their jobs. Whether she is
doing public speaking, providing workshops and training,
investigations, mediations or in one-on-one intervention, Erica
will bring results.
To learn more
about Erica please visit her web site at www.ericapinskyinc.ca
or email her at erica@ericapinskyinc.ca.
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